Dear Med School Graduates

(This is all a speech I would dearly love to give at a med school. Since the odds of that happening are next to none I'll post it here.)

So you've finished med school. You've survived the insane hours, the exams, the four years of no sleep. You should be proud of your work, honestly. Celebrate this.

You've got your shiny new lab coats. Now earn them. From here on out your patients are people. The human body doesn't read your textbook to make sure it falls in the right parameters. The numbers won't always add up. We don't have internal checklists.

Your patients are real. They're afraid, they're looking to you to figure this out. We've passed pressure a long time ago, so don't even bother bringing it up. This isn't about you, or the degrees you have mounted on the walls in pretty frames. From the moment your patient first enters, to when they close your door for the last time, the visit is about them. Their questions answered. Their fears addressed. When you poke and prod and do tests it's not about putting you in a medical journal.

If you want a profession about you, look elsewhere. There are plenty. But this one is about everyone else you interact with. When you sit down with them, don't assume, use your ears. Think. If a test is negative, look harder. NEVER utter the phrase, "Well it's so rare it's not worth looking into". The second you say it, karma will probably bite you by making it the exact diagnosis.

Calling a patient an enigma isn't a joke. It's an insult and it's damn inappropriate.

Take this seriously. I don't care what reasons, or whose money got you here. From here on out it doesn't matter. The patients matter. Only when you've given them the tools to get better do you get the props and the smiles and the kudos. If you insist on them taking the time and money to send you their records, then have the decency to get off your ass and find the time to read them. Or why bother? If you won't take the time and the initiative for your own patients, as your job requires, what was the point of this very expensive exercise?

You've chosen a very noble profession. You ought to be commended for it, truly. But before the commendation comes the necessary work. Be the leaders we all hope you are. If you ever find that you don't care for or respect your patients, please do us a favor and step down. Because we know that there are plenty of people willing to fill your shoes who do care, who are willing to fight. And we're more than happy to drag you off the high horse you rode in on if you continuously get in the way of our health.