God Smacks

No, I don't mean the band Godsmack in my title reference.

I'm trying not to offend anyone who is or is not religious, that's never my intent. Through my experiences my faith has grown so much stronger, but I don't talk about my religion. Faith is a very personal thing and it's really none of my business what anyone else believes or which practices they prefer.

That being said.

There's a joke in my family about God smacks. If you know me, you probably know how oblivious I am. I get really focused on something and I literally won't see/hear anything else. It's really handy for school and work but makes for one seriously socially awkward me.

With God smacks I have this mental image of a stick person walking down a path. God kindly puts down a sign telling the person what they should do. The person doesn't notice the sign, they're too busy watching the path. God tries again with a bigger sign. Again, it goes unnoticed. God makes a billboard with neon lights and places it in the middle of the road. The person walks around it and keeps plodding on. God finally gives up and smacks the person upside the head, pointing them in the direction He wants them to go.

That would be me.

Sometimes the smacks are gentler, like "See? Told you I'm looking after you". I told you about my numbness that started up badly yesterday. This afternoon my sister surprised me and came over to help me pack. Spending any time at all with her makes my day, she's my other half. We were born fourteen months apart and when we were little we had our own language. My brother's always been the classic older sibling and I've always had the idolizing baby sister syndrome. I love my family, they're everything to me. It was really good she came to help because my numbness and tremors were so bad I couldn't take things off hangers or put them back on. My sister hadn't seen my tremors before, she'd only heard about them. I think it freaked her out a little to see it, and I don't blame her. They freak me out too.

My arms have been numb all day, so I was mostly used to it around dinner time. When I stood up I lost all feeling in my legs. Mom came and helped me upstairs. I still can't feel my legs or my arms. In a way I'm glad. I want the people at Cleveland Clinic to see how bad everything can get. I want them to see how scared I am and how drastic the symptoms are. Maybe by not being calm and collected they'll be more willing to take my words at face value right off the bat, instead of waiting for seven tests first? Stranger things have happened. I'll tell you this for certain though, I will not end up in a wheelchair. I fought it off once and I will fight it off again as many times as necessary. Anyone who suggests otherwise gets to see the real meaning of a Scottish temper. My two clans are Leslie and MacIntosh. Their mottos: "Grip Fast" and "Touch Not the Cat Without a Glove". Fitting, don't you think?